That was a peacefully thin week of new movies, so of course next week is packed to shit. Because the universe hates you. But hates me more. Fuck you Universe. Dick.
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps: Sheesh. The repeatedly delayed wall street sequel arrives to bang yet another nail into the coffin of Oliver Stone's career. Burial joke one. Expectancy level: 4/10
The Life and Death Of Charlie St.Cloud: Erm, yeah. The potentially self-serious melodrama starring Zac Efron sees his tiny dead bro raise from the grave and into his head. But Efron's got to let his memory go so he can live a normal life! You can't keep a good ghost bro down in his coffin. Burial joke two. Expectancy Level: 3/10
Life As We Know It: Katherine Heigl continues her assault on good movies and innocent children with her latest, another high-concept romantic comedy revolving around her being uptight. Plus Josh Duhamel. Will make money but nobody will admit to seeing it. They'll take that shit to their graves. Burial joke three, you can't contain this. Expectancy level: 4/10
Mr Nice: The only non-dogpile of the week comes in the form of this Rhys Ifans starring biopic about a famous welsh drug dealer. I like Ifans, and it looks like David Thewlis has a cool role so that's good to see. Still, trepidation before anticipation. Plus coffin joke, pretend I had one. Expectancy Level: 6/10