Next Week's Movies

Heartbreaker: My attitude to French cinema is quite similar to the French Football team's attitude to playing in the world cup. We'd both rather be somewhere else. But my favorite film of 2010 is french, so maybe this is the year I'm won over. Hmm. Expectancy Level: 6/10

Killers: Ashton Kutcher can fuck his own face. Expectancy Level: 2/10

The Collector: From the writer and Director of Saw IV, ladies and gentleman. Please strap your torture victims in the correct upright and locked position. Expectancy Level: 4/10

Wild Target: Britcom about a hitman. Trepidation. Still Emily Blunt, Bill Nighy and Rupert Everett is an intriguing cast if nothing else, so I'll enter not expecting entire dogshit. Expectancy Level: 5/10

Shrek Forever After: For Fuck's sake. I'd rather see Killers then this. At least that will be terrible its own unique way, and Shrek will always be the Family Guy to The Simpsons of the Toy Story franchise. Expectancy Level: 4/10