REVIEW: Tron Legacy

5 Reasons why Tron Legacy was destined to suck:

1) Tron is not the movie people remember it being.

Tron is one of those films you see when you're about eight, maybe in the cinema, maybe with a bunch of your friends. You're taken by the look, the Neon red and blue's and pseudo motorbike chases. Jeff Bridges was affable and nerdy right, and it was fun. But its one of those times in movie history where everyone critiqued with their eyes and not their stomach, Avatar is another, and let a visually ground-breaking film get away with its storytelling short-comings. The original Tron is a fun movie, but emphatically nothing more.

2) Corporations repackaging their youth and selling it back to you, minus the soul

Thank you Edward Norton on the fight Club commentary. See the problem here, is that today's Fox and Disney suits were once children, and when they were kids they liked playing with Transformers, or watching Tron. But time passes and now they're all grown up, with a world to exploit. And in order to pay for that fourth Ducati Veyron, their childhood memories light up with dollar signs. ' Hey I liked Tron when I was a kid, we should remake it! Fuck yeah, kids will love that. Discs and shit. Fuck Yeah. Now where is my hair gel and cocaine ' But whereas the original Tron was made with nothing but love, and it showed, this is made with nothing but cynicism and thus it has no soul, no discernible identity or reason to exist. Its just another sci-fi chosen one narrative, where people talk way too much.

3) Garrett Hedlund is the poor man's Cam Gidanget

One has to wonder why the character of Sam is in Tron Legacy at all. The roles of villain and hero are both taken by Jeff Bridges, and its not like Sam is some devastatingly interesting character whose story had to be told. He's here because data showed that films with an attractive white male, aged 25-35 in its lead will make the money. Hedlund is a charisma vacuum, coming off like a self-satisfied douchebag only without the decency to be obnoxious. He's both unlikeable and bland, pretty much the worst combination an actor can have. He's a large reason why people believe this movie to be boring, because as far as I'm concerned, exposition scenes are as interesting as the actors in them. And Hedlund, well.

4) Tron Legacy's template: The Matrix Reloaded

The thing about mythology, and more importantly explaining mythology, is that it should be done on a need to know basis. At least in a damn action movie. Yet Tron Legacy spends about 45 minutes telling me a backstory that doesn't matter, motivations that are irrelevant and information that is superfluous. Nothing is worse then when simple films go on endlessly about how much they matter, and Tron Legacy is a simple movie. Like Reloaded, it becomes way too caught up in extolling exposition before, oh shit its the end of the movie. At least Reloaded had some brain-melting action. Not one scene of carnage was as impressive as the scenes of rinsage in Reloaded, and if they weren't enough to save that film, then this one is beyond fucked.

5) Aside from everything else, its just not very good.

Poor Jeff Bridges. Saddled against a naff script, a CGI face that looks like a pro evolution soccer character and dialogue that would make the architect squirm, he still manages to be good in this film. His bad guy is a little menacing, in spite of his face, and his good guy is like a stoner Obi Wan Kenobi. But Bridges isn't enough to save if from its dull, pointless self. I guess Michael Sheen turns up for a while to amuse/embarrass himself. High in the running for shallowest movie experience of 2010, if not quite the worst. Because you can't manufacture a sense of wonder in a board room. I'd call it a disappointment if I had any expectations for it. But I thought it would suck and it kind of did. What else do you want from me.

Rating: 4/10