Saturday, 17 October 2009

REVIEW: Couples Retreat

Rather then actually talk about this movie, which had the gall to both suck ass and do it at a two hour length. I'm gonna share a little tidbit I noticed about the poster. The movie is about four couples right, yet on posters lowering standards of billboards and tube stations everywhere we only see three. Who's missing? The black couple. They're aren't any less important to the film then the whitefolk but there they aren't, nonetheless. What up with that Couples Retreat. What up with that. Anyway, don't see this movie because its crap.

Total crap. The kind of film that gets steadily worse as it progresses, and by the end of it you're embarrassed to be in the screening, in a way you should have been coming in. OK I knew it was going to be shit going in but it had Jason Bateman in it. It had Kristen Bell in it. Jon Favreau directed Iron Man, admittedly nothing to do with his acting but hey. Vince Vaughn was good at one point in time, even if it was the last millennium. Kristin Davis is the most tolerable member of the Sex in the City cast. It could be OK right?

Wrong. Seeing as the glass half full is an attitude you get nothing but shit for in cinema. Bateman gets a pass because he made some good movies of late, and I'm too much of an Arrested Development fan. Kristen Bell is burning through her Veronica Mars credibility at a worrying rate, and a look at her Imdb page is not reassuring. She seems to be heading down the Katherine Heigl route of movie stardom, AKA lame rom-coms dealing with fish out of water scenarios both in character and literal translation. Vince Vaughn can frankly fuck off back to his big pile of money, Davis gets little to do but stand around in a bikini which to her credit she does very well. Malin Ackerman may be the most charisma-less actress of her generation, pipping Kate Beckinsale by a nose. Faizon Love gets to by the token black guy ignored by the poster. Nothing else to say. Boring myself in continuing to think about this movie.

If you buy this on DVD I will hunt you down and kill you.

Rating: 3/10

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