Sunday, 11 October 2009

Top 7: Movie letdowns

More list action guys. There's nothing quite like getting all excited for a film, only for it to suck to a degree you could never have imagined. Its not quite the same as when you see a bad film. See a bad film you can prepare yourself for, as going in with the appropriate cynicism and tensing up at all the right moments can keep shitness at bay. But a movie with expectancy leaves you a receptive sucker. You go in with a mind open to greatness, so there's no way to stop the inadequacy when it springs in you. You just sit there, mouth open in painful disbelief. Its the worst movie going experience that its possible to have in my opinion. Anyways here are the seven worst examples of it according to me. All newish, given that going into an older film you've got a critical concensus to influence your opinion. So, you know, read.

7) The Matrix Reloaded
It takes quite a movie, not only to suck in its own right, but to taint the name of one of the most exciting and original films in the last 20 years and make it something you have to defend. Pre-Reloaded, The Matrix was one of the best films of the nineties and then some, post-reloaded its the film where Keanu Reeves says 'I know kung fu'.

6) Spider-man 3/ X-men 3

I'll take these two together because its similar territory. X-men 3 sucked because Brett Ratner exists, whereas Spider-man 3 sucked for too many villains all as lame as each other ( The nerd off That 70's show as Venom? Fuck you Raimi.) and someone thinking that the most evil Spider-man could get was as some petulant emo. Mis-conception left two promising franchises in the dust. And Fuck Brett Ratner.

5) American Gangster
Ridley Scott plus Denzel Washington plus Russell Crowe in a sprawling gangster epic. Should have been legendary, but now people have got close to forgetting this movie exists. Its not an awful movie, it just does nothing innovative or anything particularly well.

4) The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
I know a lot of people like this, but for me it was a painfully overlong, portentous gasbag of a movie. A recycled Forrest Gump directed by one of the greatest directors of our time, yes the same guy who gave us Seven, Fight Club and Zodiac gave us this self-important bore.

3) Return of the Jedi
I'm hardly the biggest Star Wars fan, but the first two are entertaining if insanely over-rated. Empire strikes back is like the fifth best film according to IMDB. Man I can't wait for the Star Wars generation to grow old and irrelevant. ROTJ has polyester bears or 'Ewoks', totally undercuts its awesome villain and sidelines Harrison Ford. Who actually thinks this is a good movie?

2) Crash
Now if Crash had been some obscure little indie movie like it was supposed to be, it wouldn't be here. But seeing as its supposedly the best movie of 2004. Screw Crash. I've had plenty of films lecture at me but they usually have the decency to do it an a way that doesn't leave me wanting to shout no at the screen. Its the worst kind of movie that plays safe masquerading as edgy and people bought it. (How awesome is that picture by the way.)

1) Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind
This stands alone in this list because as far as I can tell there's been no backlash of any kind against this film from anyone. Which basically means I stand alone in this declaration. Well whatever, because I've seen this movie three times now, and although its good, I'm not seeing the life-altering classic that every-one else is seeing and the one I expected to see the first time. I love all other Charlie Kaufman movies, but this one is the one I don't get as hard as I've tried. But given the status given to this movie, it may be the single biggest letdown of a film I've ever seen, of recent years at least.

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