And so it went on and on. Put it this way, if you found He's Just Not That Into You to be a misunderstood masterpiece then this will be right up your alley. This basically remakes that film, but relocates it to Valentine's Day and throws in a little less cynicism (if that is possible) and a little more Ashton Kutcher. Speaking of which, when you've got Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway and countless others in your cast. Why is Ashton Kutcher the god damn lead. Why? I will stop typing while somebody explains it to me. Seriously. Jesting aside, this is a horrible, horrible film. So falsely twee it hurts sometimes, and the portmanteau of it basically leaves you watching ten bad romantic comedies for the price of one. Score.
Fuck describing the plot. I don't care, mostly because they don't care either. Its just a series of weak ass cutesy cliches. Old couple still love each other. Pre-pubescent lovestruck kid. Best friends who really belong with each other. Julia Roberts playing a marine. The usual romantic comedy stuff. There are some good actors here, so in spite of the cack put in front of them they manage to maintain dignity. I'd say Anne Hathaway, Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx and Topher Grace get a pass. Grace is increasingly becoming one of those actors I kind of like with no real grounding and as I'm sat here I can't name you a great Topher Grace performance. But I guess I like the dude anyway. How generous am I? Also, I won't go so far as to say she has acting ability, but teen country pop singer had an amiable lack of precociousness. She made light of herself and even did a pretty solid pratfall. The worst of it is Kutcher obviously, Garner who can be a good actress, as she drastically proved in Juno, but not here. And pretty much everyone else.
If you want to see a movie to justify your hatred for the world, this is it. Its exactly what it said it was going to be, a hallmark gift card of a movie. So superficial and falsely sweet it actually makes you angry. Plus it literally goes on forever. I have no definitive timing but I'd say this film is a safe two and a half hours. Enjoy.