Monday, 19 April 2010

5 Things On A Monday: A Cultural Tangency

1) The Reappearance Of A Deservedly Forgotten Actress Of The Week:

Kirsten Dunst, who vanished of the face of the earth after Marie Antoinette, a movie which presented the case that Ms. Antoinette was simply too pretty to be responsible for any kind of wrong doing, has booked the lead in the the new Lars Von Trier film. Since Von Triers' last leading lady cut her vagina out with a pair of pliers, and the one before that got chained up by an entire town and raped for like 10 years, I would imagine this will be a decision that Dunst doesn't regret like at all.

2) The Unintentionally Cathartic Movie Moment Of The Week:

Peter Petrelli getting snapped in half in Gamer. For those of us who watched Heroes to the bitter end, follow this link and get yours. Be warned its a fairly nasty scene, but get to the end and it'll be worth it.

3) The Best HBO Show Since The Wire Of The Week.

Treme. Watch it. Now.

4) The Planet Terror Fallacy Of The Week.

As I go about my Film course, enlightening and otherwise inspiring, I've noticed a trend of people, both in reality and online, saying that Planet Terror is actually awesome, and not the slightly less entertaining zombie version of From Dusk Till Dawn that I thought it was. I liked a couple of performances ( Naveen Andrews!) But all in all it was a bit meh. But I do have a theory as to its blossoming reputation. Because When Planet Terror is mentioned in any capacity, in any conversation, in any walk of life, the next thing out of our collective mouths is ' well its better then Death Proof '. Well yes. Yes it is. But Dear John was better then Death Proof. And there's nothing better for a movie's legacy then being constantly compared to what might be the most smug, obnoxious disappointing movie of the last decade. It's flattery by association guys, we're forced to constantly compliment the film because of the hideous after-birth it came attached to. And thus people think Planet Terror is a better movie then it is.

5) The Entitled Complaint About The Working Man Of The Week.

I think I've found, and its been a long arduous search, the most incompetent cinema employee anywhere in the world. His name is Dave. Dave's story begins when he's just an unassuming guy in London looking for a job to earn money for his family, so he takes a job at a local cine-world, thinking it will be a breeze, unaware that he's just entered his own personal seventh circle of hell. Dave is not just a bad employee. Bad employees make you angry and then eventually make you feel superior. Dave's sheer incompetence is so horrifying that it leaves you feeling nothing but pity and embarrassment. He worked the popcorn stand where he was stationed like he was in his first tour of Basra, and as the flak through via constant consumer judgment and passive aggressive complaints flew, a constant pathetic smile cut across his face as he saw the queue getting longer and longer. And longer. In the 10 minutes our paths crossed, I saw him serve the wrong order four times, drop a box popcorn on the floor, Mis-calculate prices, irritate customers and get lost behind his 2x3 counter. It was so awkward that when I asked for my medium popcorn and small coke, I ended up basically baby talking it.

" Hi, can i get...a me-di-um popcorn and a small coke please."

"Yeah. What was your order sir?

" erm, medium popcorn and small coke please."

" Of course sir ( walks off to the drink dispenser, stand awkwardly and returns smiling, horrified)

" Diet Coke?"

" Er no a normal coke thanks. "

" Not a diet coke."

" No."

Dave, who clearly wanted the earth to swallow him up this point, as people in the ever expanding queue alternated laughing and frustrated sighs and backtalk. Dave was lost, and it looked as if there was no way out. But then have gave me my order and I left and don't know what happened next.

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