Saturday, 6 March 2010

REVIEW: Legion

What a complete rip. Angels were promised, battles against heavenly hordes and angels were insinuated. But what do we get? A collection of badly acted southern stereotypes, generously performed by actors of second rate TV shows and Dennis Quaid sitting around a drab diner communicating man candor and then dying pathetically. Then there's Paul Bettany, who somewhat tragically gives a good performance ( well, for this kind of thing) and yet again finds himself trying valiantly to save a shit film from itself, and not quite being able to. Bettany would be high in the running for the best actor with the worst CV, and Legion being the stale, lifeless bore that it is, is not going to change that.

The plot, which is basically the Terminator if you replace the metal with angels, sees a mother of the future savior saved from one bad angel by one good angel. Bland gunfights ensue and nobody cares. I don't think I've been this bored in a movie for a long time, and I don't quite understand how that came to be. Its an action movie with angels and Paul Bettany for christ's sake. Also, this maybe the most retarded film in history in terms of plotholes. Accepting the fact that six million angels in human skins can't overrun 6 guys with shotguns, why don't they set the diner on fire. They don't even have to go in. Then they'd you know, have to come outside and you could maybe kill them. You are omniscient beings, not zombies. Why you so stupid? As far as the acting goes. it seems to be a running game of dare of who can be the most terrible. Of course, the force of nature that is Dennis Quaid wins by a country mile. He seriously looks like he was pissed off his face on at least three different substances when he made this movie, as he did in GI Joe and Pandorum. What the fuck dude. I think somebody needs an intervention. Lucas Black gives a performance that you'd expect off the male lead of Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift. The whole thing is a like a soap opera with the occasional bit of biblical apocalypse. Which sounds kind of awesome. Its not.

I guess things pick up a bit when rival angel Gabriel shows up ( The legendary Kevin Durand, Keamy from Lost) and he and Bettany do some passable work together, leaving you wishing that the whole movie should have been about the angels and not a load of space-wasting meat sacks. And Dennis Quaid, who should be defined by his own level of ridiculousness.

Rating: 4/10

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